we are always getting ready to live but never living

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Lately I have been tired. Really tired. My husband (bless his heart) is gone a lot of nights. And the nights he is home, I still don’t sleep much. Anouk was born almost 9 months ago and still doesn’t sleep through the night without waking to eat a few times. By the time my alarm clock rings, it feels like I had just fallen into my deepest sleep. Then into the shower, up and ready for work, drop off baby, work, pick up baby, make dinner, clean pump parts, put baby to sleep, pick up the house, what time is it? 9:30 already? time to sleep. wake up, feed. wake up, feed. Repeat.  And I know, we all do this. We are all so so busy. I need to learn mindfulness.

This morning’s commute was congested as usual, but I looked in my back seat to see my baby girl giggling at herself. She was in her own little world, contented. And so was I.

When I think about all the sleep I’ve lost, and all of the time I’ve spent just making the day-to-day work, it can be exhausting. I think, life isn’t supposed to be this way. It can’t be about doing the same thing everyday, can it?

So today, I am shaking up my routine. I’m going to go try to be present, take notice of the little things that make life beautiful. I am going to feel my baby in my arms. I am going to revel in her presence, and I am going to take joy in her giggles. I may not be able to control where I have to be, but I can control how I feel about it.

 

We are always getting ready to live but never living. -Emerson

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