my baby has what?- a lesson on worry

I don’t know if it’s smart to admit this. I know I can’t be the only one… right? Don’t we all spend our work days logging in and out of Facebook and looking up mom blogs when we are preggo? I know I did. Gotta learn about baby!

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I thought I might be dying.  I knew there was something wrong with me because I was throwing up constantly. I know… DUH…

After my friend Jamie looked at me like “you idiot.” I made a trip to the corner store and bought myself a few pregnancy tests. They all came back positive. (I wasn’t in denial perse… more blind-sided) I scheduled an appointment to see a doctor and before I knew it, I was in the depths of babyblogdotcom or whatever trying to figure out if my baby was the size of a peppercorn or an almond.

I  kept up, day-to-day. Did my baby have eyelashes? How many time did her heart beat a minute? What did that mean? Can she hear me? Is she active? Is she a she? I went to see the doc every chance I could. I had tests done monthly until they were weekly. They drew blood, made me pee into cups. I felt like I was setting myself up for success.

We didn’t know the sex of our baby until she was born. This mystery was the only one I really wanted. I had every intention of anticipating every milestone, hardship, and concern. And you know what? She was fine. She is fine.

But there’s this pesky thing called worry. She (like all other babies) has a thing. Some have cradle cap, some have croup. My baby has torticollis. (it’s a mild case, there are some kiddos that have years of therapy ahead of them from it) I had never heard the word. My doctor didn’t look for it, I didn’t know there was a name for it, but I had this feeling in my gut that there was something wrong. So the first thing I did was Google it. Yep. That’s what she has. Her neck is twisted, her head a little flat. Yep, she’s missing milestones. What can I do? Should I have insisted on looking into this deeper with a different doctor? The early signs I detected were that her neck was always turning to one side. Then she was always sleeping with it turned just so. There was a flat bald spot from the area that was touching the pillow so often. I noticed from the first week that my baby preferred to feed from one side. When I was just getting used to “the feeding thing” it seemed to not be a big deal.

Well she’s almost nine months now, and this torticollis thing is still worrying us. We have been taking her to an occupational therapist and Anouk has gotten all caught up with her milestones in the last six weeks. I, like every mom, have had to learn to trust my gut. It was spot on from the day she was born, but I couldn’t compare it with anything… except all of that information on the internet that I read before Anouk came along. It all said not to worry…

but worry is the greatest tool that I have. Worry was given to mothers in order to act on our baby’s behalf.


All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen. – emerson


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