FEAR #1 Not being able to curl ALL of your hair. Every single morning, when I get ready for work, I dry my hair with a blow dryer after my shower and listen for the baby to wake. She does. Then I get up, feed her, change her, and get her ready. I do this quickly because I still have to get ready for work, too. I get her set up and occupied and think…THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO CURL MY HAIR. So I turn the heat on. I get half my hair curled and then…SHE CRIES UNCONTROLLABLY. Getting ready for work is THE WORST.FEAR # 2 Driving in the car and her NUK falls out. I drive in traffic… every….single…..day…..both ways. I am in bumper-to-bumper so regularly that I know exactly which lane will clear at exactly what time every afternoon. This is sad…This is handy, too. The only thing that makes traffic worse is having a crying newborn in the back seat. Only one thing can sooth this…finding her NUK that fell out, while driving, or breaking… (I figured out a hack here! Just put the radio to a station that doesn’t come in so that you get perfect static. Turn it up. It works just like white noise, or at least takes the edge off of the crying in such a small space!)
FEAR #4 You aren’t making enough milk and your baby is going to cry until you do. This one is hard to shake. You feed and you feel like she just wants more. And she cries. And you feel the pressure. She NEEDS MORE than you have…. and you freak out. So you think you need to build a stash for just this moment..and then before you know it, you have a storage freezer just for your bags of milk. This fear is real….and you don’t need to freak.
FEAR #5 That baby cannot be calmed down by anyone except you. To be honest…it was pretty much the case for at least 3 months of my baby’s life. She would scream and wail until I held her…but there were times that I just couldn’t anymore. My mom and sister were so good for surviving those times and holding her so that I could catch a break. This fear kept me from wanting to go into public for other moms to wince at. It kept me from wanting to go to dinner parties at friends houses. It was so real that I can still feel the inclination not to go out even though my baby and I have grown a lot.
All of these fears are a part of becoming a mom. Many of them are silly and have passed. Some are still with me. I can tell you that they were MY fears and not my husbands. He had fears of his own. I am grateful for all that I have learned since Anouk joined our family, but I certainly miss sleeping well.
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